


Her Own Creation

by janetcarter



Category: Snowpiercer (TV 2020)
Genre: Abandonment, Gen, very very lightly implied creepiness from wilford
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-24
Updated: 2020-10-24
Packaged: 2021-03-08 17:34:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 772
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27180484
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/janetcarter/pseuds/janetcarter
Summary: Alexandra walks through Snowpiercer and reflects.
Relationships: Alexandra Cavill & Melanie Cavill
Kudos: 20
Collections: Bad Things Happen Bingo





	Her Own Creation

**Author's Note:**

> For the Bad Things Happen Bingo prompt "Neglect/Abandonment."

As a child, Alex wandered through Snowpiercer's microcosm anchored by her mother's hand around her own. She had thought of everything: an ocean about to teem with life, a dance studio crafted specifically for her, and a home up front among the meters and controls.

Engineering was something Alex knew more about than more eight year-olds, and with everything her mom accomplished with formulas and bolts, it was hard not to be entranced. But sometimes it felt like, no matter how hard she studied, the train would always take first place.

She'd been right, as it turned out. She and her grandparents stood at the snow-covered tracks, lost. The train had been finished, its ocean thriving with fish, but her small hands empty of her mother's grasp.

They'd been lucky Mr. Wilford, a second shock to see, guided them to Big Alice; and twisted the knife deeper with his revelations: Melanie Cavill was not the woman any of them thought her to be. Her loyalty to Mr. Wilford's cause was a lie, and if that was a lie, well… what else was? It was easy to doubt her departure had been a grave mistake before Wilford confirmed otherwise. But now… it was obvious her mother had never intended to take her along.

By the time Mr. Wilford brought Alex onto Big Alice, she realized she had misjudged it as a child. Dreary, hollow halls stuck out in her memory, but it became her savior in the eternal winter. She eventually learned to treasure every clang that rang from its engine. She became attuned to every flaw she'd fix. Big Alice wasn't perfect, but it was  _ hers. _ At least her mother had given her that; one gift of survival in the storm.

Now, standing on Snowpiercer for the first time in 7 years approaching the same city it abandoned her in, that familiar misjudgment rang true. She had misjudged her mother. She had misjudged Big Alice. It was only fitting Snowpiercer, her mother's beating heart, would be next.

Despite the wonders a child's lens adored, Snowpiercer felt as empty as the tracks did that day. Its colorful halls were reminiscent of those fuzzy, dark memories of Big Alice before she familiarized herself with its truths. Snowpiercer's world was what her mother had sacrificed her for, and it seemed far less marvelous with hindsight replacing forced passion. The blood spatters graffitiing the walls told her even its own residents felt the same.

Her gloved hands curled around the bar in the dance studio, igniting a brief nostalgia she immediately blew out. Big Alice, despite its name, didn't have much space. This meant Alex hadn't truly danced since before its departure. Her bones had grown too heavy, muscles too stiff, for a false dream.

Alex hadn't had a bad childhood. No not with a mother in the profession she'd had, not with a mother who, even if she missed out on dance recitals, had provided more than the basics. But Big Alice was another world. Alex had suffered in ways she hadn't known possible, even with the earth on its last legs in the years prior. Her innocence died the moment she took Wilford's hand, his grip tight as he pulled her up onto that train. That grip had become gentler, more familiar over the years; maybe too familiar.

What mattered was that Big Alice was her home. She couldn't find the same solace in a glorified luxury vessel knowing her mother had abandoned her for its comforts. She certainly wouldn't be able to find such solace in her mother's embrace, no matter how much she had foolishly missed it in the early days of their separation.

But maybe, after Snowpiercer's merge with Big Alice, her mother's treasure could become something new. It was her train now, after all. And she would care for it as she had for Big Alice, spoon-feed it all the love her mother was too absent to receive.

Her mother's presence would change nothing. After such desperate times, Alex could now understand the lengths a creator would go to for their invention; it overpowered the mother-child bond, replaced it, even.

Alex had become the same with Big Alice. Hating her mother would not change that fact. Hating her mother would change nothing. It would not give her the life she should have had. It would only cloud her judgement in a situation that demanded clear focus. Melanie was to be Wilford's prisoner; nothing more.

She pulled her fingers back from the ballet bar. Efficient prioritization was another thing she could thank her mother for teaching her all those revolutions ago.


End file.
